Consider me edified

Photo by Robyn Lee

4:14 a.m.: Four people, a middle-aged couple and a younger couple (I'm guessing the older couple's daughter and the daughter's boyfriend), enter the store and disperse.

The younger woman is staggering and belligerent, yelling obscenities at the boyfriend.

The older woman grabs a bag of nacho chips and inspects it much too closely.

The older man walks up to the counter with a bottle of water and a pack of gum and turns, waiting for the others.

"Drunk," he says to me, gesturing to the others and making a hang loose sign with his right hand and drinking from his thumb.

"Yeah, " I say. "We see that a lot."

The younger couple approach the counter. She's wearing a dress that is much too high, and he's wearing jeans that are much too low.

"Brian!" the young man blurts. "Girl!"

"Consider me edified," I respond.

The older woman slides a bag of tortilla chips and a cup of nacho cheese onto the counter. In the process, she nearly tips over a donut display near the register.

The older man pays for all of the snacks and tries to hustle everyone out, but the older woman has a question.

"Canni get hanaaaenoes?" she asks me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand."

"Hnaaaenoes? Can I getem withis?"

"I'm sorry, I still don't understand what you're saying."

"I 'pligize. I'm drunk."

"Yes. I realize that."

"Halaanepeos?"

"Jalapenos?"

"Yes!"

"Sure, they're right there on the condiment counter. Help yourself."

The older man stands in the door and watches his wife navigate her way to the condiment counter. Then he looks my way and makes that same tippling motion with his hand.

Hang loose, Dude.